


Kokoronashi

by Rynn336



Series: Songs for the Hopeful Heart [13]
Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, M/M, Songfic, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 13:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8893114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rynn336/pseuds/Rynn336
Summary: Don't leave me here now with my tears.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yukari](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yukari/gifts).



> Okay.  
> So again, I have to include a warning. This work involves a suicide attempt, and the last thing I want to do is offend my readers, so please, if you feel it's too much for you to handle, don't read this. I realize that this is the second work in this series to involve suicide, and I want to assure you that my intention is simply to capture Hajime and Nagito's relationship as realistically as possible with the songs that I am presented with. I do not condone suicide in any way, shape, or form. I just feel like it would be a very prevalent issue in these characters' relationship. I have already checked with Yukari to make sure it is okay that I write such a work for the song she's requested.  
> For those of you who still plan on reading, I hope that I did the song and the topic justice. The song for this one is [Kokoronashi](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbvctpGLUqw) or Somehow by GUMI (I believe) and covered in English by Jenny. Thanks, guys.

Hajime props himself up on his elbows, his feet stuffed beneath the pillows of his hotel bed. The heat roars above his head, the thermostat ticking upward degree by degree, and he pulls his hood down, letting the hot air from the vents wash over his neck. The soft white sheets wrinkle beneath him, his uncle humming loudly over the noise of the shower inside the bathroom as people bustle past in the hallway.

He groans exaggeratedly and rolls over so he’s lying on his back with his shoulders and head hanging down over the foot of the bed. Upside down, he watches the snow fall outside, tiny flecks of white fluttering down in a sea of grey. Nagito hasn’t texted him in more than four days, and as concerned as he is, it does nothing to drive away his utter boredom. Uncle Hiro’s terrible singing doesn’t help either.

He’s been here for a good month now, and he’s ready to go home. His mother is getting a lot better. She’s been in and out of the hospital for years, and this time really scared him and Hiro, but things are looking up for her now, and the doctors say they’re closer to figuring out what’s wrong with her. He misses Nagito. He misses home. They were going to spend Christmas together, but Christmas came and went and Hajime is still here, so he’s determined to make it up to him. It was nice spending the holidays with his mother, though; it’s not something he’s been able to do for a while.

The shower water shuts off. “Hey, Uncle Hiro!” Hajime calls. The blood is starting to fill his head, and he sits up again. “Can we go skiing?”

“Sorry, dude, I have work to do today.”

“By ‘work’ you mean updating your shitty astrology website and smoking weed?”

“Yes. To the first thing. And maybe the second. We’ll see how I feel. You want some?”

Hajime sighs exasperatedly and flops backward. “I’m so bored. If you’re not going to let me drive your car can’t you at least take me to the ski hill? Maybe I can get Izuru to go.” Izuru is his cousin, his father’s sister’s son, and despite all of the animosity he holds towards his father’s side of the family – not excluding his father himself – Izuru’s pretty cool, even if he is a little hard to talk to sometimes.

“No way, man! You think I’m going to drive my baby out in all that snow? She’s not built for this kind of weather!”

“You asshole.”

“Hey, hey, Haj, easy there with the language.”

“Fine,” Hajime groans. He reaches for the television remote on the nightstand, but just as he does, his phone vibrates. He brightens. _Kazuichi Souda,_ the caller ID reads. Happily, Hajime picks up, grinning. “Hey, Kazuichi! I’m dying here, I’m so bored. Thanks for calling. What’s up?”

“Hajime…um.” Kazuichi’s tone rips the smile from Hajime’s face. “Do I have to tell him?” he can hear Kazuichi say distantly, and a girl’s angry voice replies unintelligibly before Kazuichi sighs into the phone again. “Listen, man…it’s Nagito.”

Hajime sits upright, his spine as stiff as a board, his breath catching in his throat. “What? What’s Nagito?” Hiro gives him a confused look as he steps out of the bathroom, but Hajime just glares at him and drums his fingers anxiously on his thigh.

“He…you know how he almost killed himself? You talked him down, but…yeah? He…um…”

“Spit it out, god dammit!”

“He…he slit his wrists in his bedroom yesterday. If Chiaki hadn’t been going over to see him right then he might have died.”

“But he didn’t? He’s okay?” Hajime demands.

“He’s alive, but he’s…not exactly okay. He’s acting really weird. I think he needs you.”

“Hiro, I need your car,” Hajime growls.

“No way.”

“It’s an emergency. Give me your car.”

“I’m sure you can rent one.”

“You…you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“I get it’s an emergency, I got no problem giving it to you, but at this point it’s a matter of you not dying. The roads are terrible right now. If you got hurt that’d suck even more.”

“You son of a bitch. Kazuichi, tell him I’ll be there by tonight.”

“I probably won't, you know I don’t like talking to the guy, but Ibuki will tell him, right, Ibuki?”

“You’ve got it, Hajime!” she says brightly in the background.

Hajime hangs up and jumps off the bed, running to his duffel bag and pulling out his coat.

“Haj, dude, you can’t be thinking of going out there?”

“Yep. And I’m taking your car,” he says, grabbing Hiro’s keys off of the counter.

“No!”

Hajime’s already out the door, though, half jogging, half walking down the hallway. He goes right past the elevator and launches himself down the stairs two or three at a time. “Shit,” he mutters. “Nagito, why…?” He dials Nagito’s number quickly as he throws his weight against the door, trying to push it open against all of the snow piled up outside.

Nagito picks up on the first ring. “Hi.”

“You fucking idiot!”

Nagito hangs up immediately. “God damn it!” He doesn’t pick up again, though, as Hajime stumbles through the snow, wincing at the icy cold against his legs, and he jumps into Hiro’s car and turns the key in the ignition, frustrated. “Go! Go!” Finally, it kicks in. He screeches out of the parking lot, racing down the highway, pushing the speed limit. His phone rings. Hiro. He doesn’t answer. Someone honks as he cuts them off but he doesn’t care. He glares at the speedometer. “Go, go, go, come on, Nagito, you idiot!”

He jerks the wheel as he turns onto the next road, and for a heartbeat, it seems like the car’s tires will grip the ice, but then his back tires slip, and he swears loudly as his car spins out of control, crashing into a streetlight on the corner. He climbs out and slams his door. “Damn it!”

 

Hajime pulls away from the curb, watching the police officer drive away. Hiro’s going to kill him.

Sighing, he drives off far more slowly than earlier and pulls into a parking space downtown. He buries his head in his hands. “Shit…Hey, Siri.”

“What can I help you with?”

“Text Kazuichi.”

“What would you like to say to Kazuichi Souda?”

“I can’t come after all. Period. I just wrecked when I was on my way. Period. Tell him I’m really sorry, comma, because he won’t pick up. Period.”

“Ready to send it?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll send your message.”

Hajime runs his hand through his hair and presses the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Hey, Siri.”

“I’m listening.”

“Call Nagito.”

“Calling Nagito Komaeda.”

He doesn’t pick up, though, and it falls silent after the second ring. Hajime groans in frustration. “I hate this!” He hits the steering wheel with an angry fist and jumps as the car honks. A couple of people walking by outside give him odd looks, and he lets his head flop back against his headrest, staying like that for a while before climbing out of the car and making his way toward the sidewalk. He stumbles into a cozy looking café. If he were at his hotel room, Hiro might get him something to drink, but as an nineteen-year-old off on his own without a fake ID or anything, he doubts any of the bars around here would even let him in. He orders something, he doesn’t even care what, but he’s pretty sure it had four shots of espresso in it, and slumps onto a couch in the corner.

Why does everything have to be so hard with Nagito? Why would he do…that? Can Hajime not leave him alone for one goddamn month?

His phone pings. He glances at the screen.

_Hajime, are you okay? Kazuichi told me you crashed on your way here?_

It’s from Nagito.

Hajime groans and rolls his eyes. He can’t contact Nagito when he’s worried, but when Hajime might be hurt, Nagito is more than willing to reach out. He looks up, trying to think of a response, when he spots a smooth black piano sitting, abandoned, in the corner of the café. He stares at it for a long, long moment. He glances down at his phone. He has an idea.

Quickly, he FaceTimes Nagito and hurries across the café toward the piano.

“Hajime! Are you okay? Are you hurt? Were you coming to see me? This is all my fault, I’m so sorry – ”

“I’m fine, you idiot, but you’re not. Don’t hang up. I have something for you.” He looks at Nagito sadly. The boy’s face is deathly pale, almost grey, his white hair even more disheveled than usual, the hospital monitors just visible on the sides of the screen.

“Huh?”

Hajime stops in front of a guy seated pretty close to the piano. “Hey,” he says. “Could you do me a favor.”

The guy pulls out one of his earbuds and looks up curiously. “Sure, depends on what it is.”

“Just make sure he’s facing the piano,” Hajime says, pointing to Nagito’s anxious face.

The man shrugs and nods, taking Hajime’s phone and pointing Nagito in the right direction.

Hajime pulls out the bench in front of the instrument and sighs, flexing his hands. It’s been forever since he last played. He looks nervously around at the fairly busy room and then at Nagito, who just looks confused now. He takes a deep breath, smiles at his boyfriend, pushes the cover off of the keys, and begins to play.

 

_Hey, you know,_

_I wonder, if we throw out everything,_

_Would it become easier to keep on breathing?_

 

Nagito watches in astonishment as Hajime plays, singing quietly, the room falling silent as the customers and staff halt their conversations to listen.

 

_If you hold me tight_

_It will be alright_

_So pull me close and don’t let go_

_It’ll be enough_

Song after song, he plays, his fingers flying over the keys, Nagito silent, enraptured, on the screen out of the corner of Hajime’s eye. “Somehow,” “Vivi,” “Falling Slowly,” “Love Is A Dog From Hell,” “Eine Kleine,” “City On Fire,” “Who Knows,” “Road Less Traveled,” “Something Good”…all of the songs that have kept them going over the years, all of the songs they’ve danced to, they’ve cried to when everything became too much. Finally, with the last note, Hajime lets his hands fall into his lap and looks over at they guy holding his phone. His eyes are wide, surprised, but not nearly so as Nagito’s. Nagito gapes at him, and as Hajime stands and walks over to take his phone, he’s pretty sure Nagito is crying.

“Do you get it now?” Hajime asks, taking his phone. He grabs his now-cold coffee and walks out.

Nagito nods wordlessly.

“Nothing gives you the right to do what you did. If you’re not going to live for yourself, then live for me, and all of the other people that would be devastated if you died.”

“I…”

“As much as I hope there isn’t a next time, I have a feeling there will be, so just listen to me. Next time, think about Chiaki. Sonia. Mikan. Fuyuhiko. Mahiru. Ryota. Gundham. Nekomaru. Kazuichi. Hiyoko. Peko. Ibuki. Teruteru. Akane. Makoto. Kyouko. Byakuya. We have some pretty bizarre friends, but all of them care about you. Every last one. Imagine all of the pain you’d cause everyone. I would be shattered if you killed yourself. I’d never be the same. For once, can’t you just think about everyone else, too? We’ll do anything we possibly can to help you. We want you to feel better. That is what we’re here for. So instead of killing yourself, just ask for help next time, okay?”

There’s a long pause. “Okay.”

Hajime sighs with relief. “Thank god. For someone as smart as you, you sure are stupid.”

“Yeah. I guess. I’m…I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. You better be. Don’t do that again. I love you too much to lose you.”

Nagito laughs quietly. “I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always, if there was something you liked or you thought I could've done better, please let me know. And if you have a song you'd like me to write to, I'd love to hear it, and I assure you that this is the last fic I will do for this series that will involve suicide. Thanks for reading.


End file.
